crap my siblings say starters: the wedding edition

worldsavcr:

PARKER

“Screw you and your speckled ocean pancakes.”
“This ain’t a scene, this is a goddamn… wedding?”
“Why are you still talking? Kiss already!”
“The Hoedown Throwdown died and we are not resurrecting it.”
“I greatly dislike you, but would you dance with me anyway?”
“This is why no one came to your birthday party.”
“Hula hooping on the dance floor is… probably the best idea you’ve ever had.”
“Have you ever realized how whiny you sound?”
“I have to ask- why are you wearing that?”
“Shut up or I’ll murder you with this fancy napkin thing.”

PETER

“Please don’t ‘drunk giraffe’ dance.”
“Remind me to never let you be the designated driver.”
“I’ve never twerked in an aquarium before.”
“Oh, god, please never say that again.”
“Weddings are for weepy girls and old people. Not hot boys like me.”
“Tell me he isn’t dressed like a ringleader.”
“Target acquired: she’s got a chocolate cake.”
“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something that didn’t come from an underwear drawer…”
“They said cocktail party, but Mom wouldn’t let me wear my rooster costume.”
“Blondes obviously have more fun.”

PIPER

“I have an idea. Admittedly, it is a fairly terrible idea, but I like it anyway.”
“I’m gonna ‘drunk giraffe’ dance.”
“Nope. Nope, nope, nope. That is so not my thing.”
“I hate this dress. It’s itchy. And there’s no way any cartwheeling will be happening in these heels.”
“Aww, you’re so cute with your little bow tie!”
“Shut up and grab a piece of cake.”
“Don’t ask about what’s in the wineglass.”
“Tell me she didn’t put a meme on her wedding invitation.”
“Do you remember that time I spilled grape juice on your car and you threatened homicide?”
“Did you just attempt to quote Fall Out Boy at me?”

PRIS

“Oh my god, look at her dress.”
“I never thought this day would come… are you wearing pantyhose?”
“Destroy that spider. Destroy it now.”
“I’ll pay you fifty bucks if you throw me the bouquet.”
“I only care about the cake. Pinky swear.”
“Grab a hula hoop and follow me. Don’t ask questions.”
“Do you think the bartender would give us grape juice in wine glasses?”
“You don’t get an opinion, you texture-mixer!”
“Go for second base.”
“Look, there’s Nyan Cat!”

PENNY

“I’d laugh if you weren’t so pathetic.”
“It is I- short, adorable, and very cynical. Miss me?”
“That’s what you think.”
“Of course plaid and polka dots go together.”
“I just took a selfie with a boa constrictor!”
“Stop singing about exes. You’re forever alone.”
“You’re such jailbait.”
“Hello, silver fox.”
“What can I say? I like my men well-dressed.”
“Did you just hum the Agents of SHIELD theme?”