Things I’ve Thought/Said/Heard During Finals Week Starters:

“Literally just shoot me so I won’t have to write this fucking paper.”
“I might fail the final but I also might die before I actually have to take it, so let’s not jump to any conclusions here.”
“That professor has it out for me I swear to God.”
“If you push me in front of a car now, I’ll do it to you at the end of the next semester, pinky promise.”
“I don’t care that I gave up coffee two months ago I need a shot of it injected into my bloodstream right this very second.”
“What do you mean you’re finished with your finals already? I’m literally going to kill you if you’re being serious, what the fuck.”
“Promise you’ll kill me if I fail that class?”
“I’m going to burn all my fucking math notes the second I finish taking that final.”
“I think I understand why people drink now.”
“He literally gives zero fucks about his students and it pisses off every nerve in my body.”
“Look, as long as my GPA is at least a 2.0 I’m fine, okay.”
“Thank God that bitch is graduating, if I had to deal with her again next semester I was going to stab someone.”
“That presentation is only worth fifty points, as long as I nail the final I can afford to just not do it.”
“I’m just gonna take a magic 8 ball with me when I take my finals and use it to decide how I should answer shit.”
“He’s my favorite professor, why isn’t he teaching anything else next semester?”
“Stab me in the eye and I’ll buy you dinner.”
“I mean, I’ve already cried twice today and I’m dead inside, but yeah, finals are going fine.”
“They should be required to give us ice cream and Kleenex when we hand in our finals.”
“I’m just going to throw my computer out the window and pretend I don’t have a paper to finish writing.”
“She is so getting a bad review on ratemyprofessor.”
“I literally don’t care about anything anymore. Pass, fail, demon sacrifice, nothing matters and nothing is real and I’m really sad and tired right now.”