Things My Groupchat Has Said Starters

guardiansof-time:

• “…..oh god.”
  
• “You both came in at a very interesting time.”
  
• “But I also know martial arts, so that levels the playing field…”
  
• “I don’t suffer for fashion. Fashion suffers for me.“
  
• “SAVE ME…BY THAT I MEAN DON’T.”
  
• “I live to defy your orders of sleep.”
  
• “I’m gonna run the fuck away as fast as I can from any spider.”
  
• “The Triforce of Dickbutt.”
  
• “But yeah I didn’t freak out too hardcore or anything.”
  
• “YOU AREN’T ‘EDGY,’ YOU’RE JUST A TWAT-FACED WALNUT FUCKER!“
  
• “Drown the fucker in bug spray and trap it under the can. That’s my method.”
  
• “Sell some virgin blood to a pantheon of internet gods.“
  
• “Anybody know how much postage for a jar of human blood costs?”
  
• “I’m officially a lunch thief. Whoops!”
  
• “Wait. You’re stealing lunch? WHY ARE YOU STEALING IT?”
  
• “You are obviously a god among us puny mortals then.“
  
• “I won’t yell.”
  
• “NO COME BACK I DIDN’T MEAN IT.”
  
• “How did your blog get even hotter?”
  
• “I’ve been huntin’ monsters all day.”
  
• “Actually I love lace in general.”
  
• “I just need to get my life in order.”
  
• “It’s like one of those movie scenes where you pull an irrational amount of weapons from you body.”
  
• “GODDAMMIT SKYPE HAD TO FREEZE WHEN I TYPED SCISSORING"
  
• “My friend’s snake has dick patterns on either side of its head.”
  
• “Oh my god I just spit all over my screen.”
  
• “He had it in his toy stash underneath the couch.“
  
• “I’ve been summoned…by the Dickbutt.”
  
• “Hi welcome to Lesbians.”
  
• “I CAN HEAR THE ANGELS SINGING”
  
• “Is saying ‘gay for Sheik’ accurate if you’re a lady?”
  
• “I moved one thing and everything fell.”
  
• “One time I woke up and started drinking brandy.”
  
• “I had a weird dream that combined Warcraft and Legend of Zelda.”
  
• “Dudebros don’t have logic.”
  
• “NO NEED TO BE WAVING KNIVES AROUND"
  
• “Well I guess I’ll go fuck myself then.“
  
• “Dammit where did I put the thing?!”
  
• “I kind of wanna just….set someone on fire.”
  
• “Get more spicy.“
  
• “Not too much spicy.”
  
• “We started out complaining about racist shitheads and then it just sort of shifted to lesbians.”
  
• “TAKE ME INTO YOUR PRINCESS HAREM”
  
• “What’s a bralette? It sounds adorable. I want twelve.”
  
• “Fuck genetics.”
  
• “Do I want to possibly cry is the question.”
  
• “I accidentally sprayed ketchup all over my computer.”
  
• “I don’t even know why I have ketchup in my hands. I have no food to put this ketchup on.”
  
• “I’mma smack my fellow writers right in the dick.”
  
• “I WAS BOTHERED BY EXPLICIT CANNIBALISM FROM A PRAYING MANTIS”
  
• “I’d just walk into the fire and accept my fate. We can walk together.”
  
• “That dog was one of satan’s pubic hairs, I swear.”
  
• “You don’t even know how Brazilians would handle apocalypse. We would joke about it. And die.”
  
• “I’ve done everything from hiking to wrangling sheep in heels.”
  
• “That’s the kind of non-discriminatory violence I like to see.”