charlesoberonn:

charlesoberonn:

Episode I

Trade disputes. boom! shwing shwing. meesa meesa! I’m padme. Are you an angel? Pod racing. I call for a vote of no confidence. Roger roger. Now this is pod racing! Medal ceremony.

Episode II

My, you’ve grown! slugs through the window. romantic getaway. I hate sand. I slaughtered them all. Count Dooku. Arena battle. Chase through the desert. Yoda throwing rocks. Creepy robot hand wedding.

Episode III

This is not the Jedi way. Do it! We can’t lose the Wookie system. I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi. Let me tell you about Darth Plagues the Wise. Unlimited power! Darth Vader. You were the chosen one! Noooooooo!

Rogue One

Lots of different planets. Space Jerusalem. Fighting through a city. Boom! Rain planet. Almost assassination. Tearful goodbye from dad. Time to become Rogue One. Fighting through a beach. Space filing systems. Space email. Boom!

Episode IV

Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope. This R2 unit is busted. You knew my father? These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. 12 parsecs. This ain’t no moon. Death Star. Aren’t you a little short to be a stormstrooper? Use the force, Luke. Medal ceremony.

Episode V

It’ll keep you warm. Giant robot camels. Go to the Degobah system. Luminous beings are we. Lando. Dark side cave. They’re my friends, I have to rescue them. Carbonite. I am your father. Noooooooo!

Episode VI

Jabba the Hutt. Let us go, or die. Battle over a giant sandmouth. Yoda dies. Another Death Star. Ewoks. It’s a trap! Chase through the forest. Awkward elevator ride. I am a Jedi knight, like my father before me! Afterparty in the woods, everybody comes back as a ghost.

Episode VII

Daring pilot. Orphaned desert child with magic powers. Find me this droid. Wise old mentor. Fallen Jedi knight. Evil empire. Big explody sphere. Use the force, Rey. Haven’t we done this before?

Episode VIII

Daring escape. Boom. Continuing to escape, daringly. The Jedi have to end. Let go of the past, kill it if you have to (including lingering plot threads from the previous movie). Casino planet. Obvious sleazy traitor. Mirror cave. Throne room. Surprising dismemberment. Unsurprising sleazy betrayal. A bit more escaping. Battering ram cannon. Ghost fight. One last bit of escaping.